Tonight begins the forty-ninth day, which is seven weeks of the Omer in the year 5780. שכינה שבשכינה, Shekhinah ShebeShekhinah, Indwelling of Divine Presence.
Returning to the world that is
These meditations have been flights upward into the worlds of ideas and ideals. Though, I have endeavored to stay grounded in the current reality while making space for the expansive.
Facing reality clear eyed
I had my annual physical this week via teleconference. My doctor suggested getting used to this physical distance for at least a year. It was helpful to hear a medical expert confirm my expectations.
Growing up, one of my favorite songs was “Dead Man’s Party.” We SoCal kids reveled in the macabre, dancing away our worries with Oingo Boingo as our life soundtrack. As I face death on the personal, national, and global scale, I marvel at the simplicity of those years. Yet, there is something soul penetrating about the entire album.
Don’t be afraid to dance
Sometimes, I think we feel guilty for finding joy in these troubled times. These seven weeks have brought me back to myself. My imposter syndrome abated. I am allowing myself to flow into myself.
I pray you are able to hear the truth seeking you in the coming days.
Today is forty-eight days, which is six weeks and six days of the Omer in the year 5780. יסוד שבשכינה. Yesod ShebeShekhinah. Foundation of Divine Presence.
Wisdom yearns to accompany us
A pandemic may seem like a terrible time to expect Divine revelation. And yet, the breadth of spiritual texts across traditions speaks to the revelations found through hardship.
I am not saying God chose this path for humanity. Rather that since this is the path we are on, we should choose to sink into meaning.
Counting Barley, Creating a Foundation
In years past, I chose to eat more mindfully because of my Omer count. I clarified aspects of my understanding of the sephirot through these meditations. This year, I remind myself of my ability to communicate.
I no longer strive to constantly be better. Rather, I hope to be present and find joy and meaning in life, regardless of the outer world.
What is the foundation for your existential nourishment?
Today is forty-seven days, which is six weeks and five days of the Omer in the year 5780. הוד שבשכינה, Hod ShebeShekhinah. Splendor of Divine Presence.
Arms holding space for the Divine
Netzach and Hod are the arms holding space for the Divine. The eternal prophecy of Netzach is contained in the splendor of space created through Hod.
A traditional Jewish day was once marked by sacrifices to the Presence. Now, we reflect on eternity by praying. Not just in the morning, afternoon, and evening, but with every act of our day. Our eating becomes meaningful when we stop to speak words of gratitude for the morsels we are about to consume. Imagine being so rooted in gratitude that you have the presence to stop before every random chip and grape that enters your mouth.
Gratitude pursues us
Judaism gives us the opportunity to reflect on the the ultimate Cause of Being, while being grateful to the immediate humans and seasons that allow us to be fulfilled by the fruits of the earth.
Amorphous time finds shape through meaning
Time can feel infinite during a pandemic. And yet, when a loved one is dying, every moment can feel like eternity. It is strange the way that the same amount of time feels different depending on where we focus our attention.
Pandemic reality past and present
Until recently, I had no idea more people died of the flu than lost their lives in World War One. Neither AP European History, nor History of the Great Powers, nor any international relations course I took in college mentioned the 1918 flu. It only made an appearance during my Medieval and early modern history course with Dr. Bob Levy, z”l.
I think about how much more difficult this pandemic is. The mental and physical demands. The lack of US federal government oversight. The inability to rise above partisan differences to face this medical problem head on. Above all, how hard it is to face death in the year 2020.
Creating physical space that welcomes holiness
Usually, Hod is seen in our communal physical spaces dedicated to holy community. It is still far too dangerous to gather together for prayer. And so, we are each impelled to create space for Shekhinah, Her Presence, within ourselves and our private spaces.
Every time we clean our bathrooms, we make space for the holy.
Putting away toys and books creates holy space.
HaMakom is where we make space for Her
HaMakom, The Place, is not just the bimah with an ark and Torah scroll. After all, that most Jewish of words — bimah — is merely a Greek loan word that means platform. Throughout time, we thrive because we adapt.
May we have the resilience to adapt and find moments of deep connection, grounded joy, and human flourishing.
Today is forty-six days, which is six weeks and four days of the Omer in the year 5780. נצח שבשכינה, Netzach ShebeShekhinah. Eternal Divine Presence.
Houses of Worship Offer No Respite From Disease
I often wonder why religious communities are planning for in-person services at a date in the near future. There is no cure nor treatment for COVID-19. Spiritual gatherings have a proven track record of spreading the disease.
As much as it grieves me, I do not expect to be in a synagogue until a vaccine or effective treatment is found. I am studying to become a rabbi and face the possibility that I will not be in a synagogue during the final two years of my rabbinical training.
I scarcely expect to be near anyone beyond my children and husband for the next two years.
Maintaining Human Connections
Nevertheless, our connections to one another are even more important now. Personally, I need a deep break from Zoom. Something about not knowing where I should look, intensely staring at a screen, it drains me in a way that is soul crushing.
Still, one-to-one conversations feed my soul. Even when speaking to perfect strangers, I find solace in our shared humanity. A few weeks ago, I even ran into the receptionist from my dentist’s office while walking my dog. Which is pretty remarkable, given that my dentist is on the other side of town.
Eternal Divine Presence
Whether with a community or alone, the Eternal Divine Presence yearns to connect with each of us. Even in the midst of a pandemic, we can make space to feel Her Presence, wrap ourselves in Her Embrace.
On the wings of the Shekhinah, we will survive.
Spiritual Care is Available
It is curious that I have not mentioned this before. I am one of the volunteers providing spiritual care through Ruach. The goal of the volunteer organization: “We hope to provide pluralistic, inclusive, and accessible emotional and spiritual support to individuals of all backgrounds and faiths, with an emphasis on serving those who are otherwise unaffiliated or marginalized from the Jewish community.” On a practical level, if you request support, you will be matched with a Jewish spiritual care provider who will meet with you for 30-45 minutes, once a week, for up to six weeks.
It can be quite helpful to have a friendly ear as you think through your emotional and spiritual landscape. This is not therapy — it is the opportunity for your soul to be accompanied briefly during this unprecedented time.
Listen to your own needs
We are being called forth, spiritually cleansing ourselves in preparation for Divine revelation. Shavuot, Weeks, is on the horizon: marking the end of the seven week barley harvest. The seven weeks of harvesting understanding of how the Divine emanates in this world, clarifying how we can be better vessels for holiness and goodness.
Whatever you need: whether that is another call to a friend, more sleep, or one more episode of escapism into the television, listen to your needs. Just don’t forget to sleep, eat, drink water, and walk your dog (if you have one.)
Today is forty-five days, which is six weeks and three days of the Omer in the year 5780. תפארת שבשכינה. Tiferet ShebeShekhinah. Beautiful Divine Presence.
Sephira within Sephira: the circular nature of the Sephirot
First, a Hebrew lesson. Sephirot is the plural of sephira. The ten sephirot are the fundamental emanations of the Divine. Aspects of the Divine perceptible by humans. The lower seven sephirot form the basis for the Omer journey we are on.
There are many ways to diagram the sephirot. One way, explained well in the introduction to the Tanya, is spheres within spheres. Each sephirah encircles the sephirah that is a more purer refraction of the Divine and through each sphere, one discovers a clearer understanding of the nature of the Divine / the ground of being propelling us through the world. If you have ever been to an eye doctor, it is a bit like the ways each new lens clarifies and obscures the object you are trying to see.
Balancing, beautiful Tiferet
Tiferet is a balancing quality, bringing in covenantal love and strength in balance to create the harmony needed for healthy living. The beauty of this balance holds the Divine Presence firmly within one’s life.
Sinking into the Truth that God Exists
At its core, I sense this final week of Omer counting as sinking into the reality of HaShem.
HaMakom, The Place we yearn for surrounds us at all times. A loving embrace. Motherly nurturing. Suckling us honey from the crag. Strong protection. Clear guidance. All of it is within us already. Spiritual practices awaken us to the truth that has been pursuing us since the moment we took our first breath.
I cannot hold to a theology that God is in control. She is with us on the journey, supporting us as we aim towards our best selves. Hopefully, this knowledge is enough to gird us as we face this uncertain future, alone together.
Today is forty-four days, which is six weeks and two days of the Omer in the year 5780. גבורה שבשכינה, Gevurah ShebeSchechinah, Strength of Divine Presence.
Shabbat: vessel of Strong Divine Presence
Traditionally, many aspects of modern life are set aside on Shabbat.
Others meld cultural norms of the majority culture with their Jewish expression. Or perhaps ignore the call of Shabbat entirely.
Shabbat exists whether or not we choose to mark her presence.
She is the weekly vessel of Divine Presence. Shabbat calls out to us in every seventh second of every minute of every hour of every day.
Choosing life during the pandemic
Life is a series of choices. We can choose to face this entirely novel situation with clear-eyed belief in the strength of the scientific establishment. We can choose, as Jews who believe saving a life is superior to all else, to align ourselves with public health experts urging caution.
With the strength of Divine Presence, we can gain the fortitude necessary to weather these long days, and months without physically seeing our communities.
I expect to spend the High Holy Days as I spent Pesach — surrounded by my immediate family. Yet, I do not know when I will be able to hug my extended family; never mind my larger Jewish communities.
Choosing to wrap myself in my tallit, reminding myself that I am always supported by the Strong Diving Presence.
Today is forty-three days, which is six weeks and one day of the Omer in the year 5780. חסד שבשכינה, Chesed ShebeShechinah. Covenantal Love of Divine Presence.
Falling into the Warm Embrace of the Divine
We have entered the final week of the Omer. The taste of spiritual revelation is in the air. Shavuot is coming.
The Many Faces of God
Shekhinah, the Divine Mother, goes by another name: Malchuyot, Sovereignty. She goes in drag to spaces where women are not allowed. She pretends that sovereignty has a permanently male connotation. The gendering of the Divine and the holy language is another veil concealing and revealing aspects of truth. When we connect with a gendered God, we are connecting with the aspect of the Divine we need to cling to at this moment. We are not seeing the totality of the Ground of Being, since the Divine is not only beyond gender, She/He is beyond words. At Her core, the Shekhinah, the Presence unfolds as Ain Sof, Without End.
Complete certainty in the existence of the Divine
3,581 Californians died from COVID-19.
95,087 people in the United States died from COVID-19.
334,621 people in the world died from COVID-19.
Still, with complete certainty, I know the Divine exists.
These forty-three days I have been describing aspects of the Divine. Ways of seeing the Shekhinah, the Presence, in this world. I can pray for healing without expecting an old man in the sky to grant my wishes. I know my prayers help the healing process, just as I know I can choose to be a healing presence.
The pandemic is not a hoax. Scientists are real heroes.
I have little patience for claims that we must go back to normal. That amorphous mental health concerns are more real than documented physical health concerns. I know the world is suffering psychologically and spiritually. Going back to generic in-person encounters without a vaccine is a death sentence. Not just for people with underlying health issues; but for countless people felled by this powerful virus.
With a dose of Stoicism, I choose life. I choose mourning the loss of in-person community in the short term in order to ensure its continued existence in the long term. If I am to contemplate the Divine, surely I can accept a few months or years of disruption to the life I expected. Surely we can create new paradigms through which to navigate this new world.
Falling into the loving embrace of the Divine Presence
When I remember She is calling to me in every moment, I remember the core of me.
Knowing why I place a yarmulke on my head: my attempt to learn humility in the presence of Infinity.
May you be touched by Divine covenantal love today. I pray Her Presence pulses within you and helps you radiate warmth.
Today is forty-one days, which is five weeks and six days of the Omer in the year 5780. יסוד שביסוד, Yesod ShebeYesod. Essence of Foundation.
The bedrock of you
What bonds you to this life and this time?
Always, shall an earthling revere The Cause of Being, privately and publicly. Acknowledging the truth, and speaking the truth in her ego / personality / core self.
Rabbi Finley introduced me to these lines from Birkat HaShachar. Of course, like most of Jewish prayer, it was written in the masculine. I have transformed it in my mind in Hebrew and English to the feminine, both to allow myself to fully embody it and because the patriarchy of received Judaism must be shattered in order for its essence to grow.
The Sovereignty of the Divine is a core theme of Rosh Hashanah. Like all holiday themes, it reflects how we should live each day of our lives.
Beyond myself, there is something deeper, wiser, eternal to which I cling
The aspects of the Divine refracted in the sephirot are ways of understanding God within time and space. There is nothing all-powerful or all-knowing about the Divine in time. God is not in control of me or the universe. God is the Ground of Being upon which we tread.
We can choose whether to live in alignment with the overflowing goodness and pulsing love calling us towards our best selves.
Choose how we react to the daily stress of life. How to handle the dull, ever present stress of the pandemic.
This is the way.
More than a catch phrase from The Mandalorian, that statement describes my attachment to Judaism.
The best translation of Halacha is not “Jewish law,” It actually means “the way.” Halacha is not the way I travel through Judaism, but Judaism is the way I travel through life.
Choosing to become a rabbi
It’s the question people most often ask me. The breadth of my story of becoming a rabbinical student is so long and so personal.
Here is the essence: I awakened to the depth of meaning within the Jewish civilization. I saw past the veil of pediatric religion spoon-fed to me in my youth. I came to understand that a Jewish worldview is much broader and more expansive than a code of laws. Jewish contributions to philosophy, ethics, and mysticism enliven me.
I want to know more about what it means to be human.
Living into the Jewish responses to the human condition.
Helping others learn more from our vast libraries of thinking.
Supporting communities become the best versions of themselves.
And having an excuse to keep buying books.
These are the reasons I chose to make a mid-career transition to the rabbinate. How are you living into your core self?
Today is forty days, which is five weeks and five days of the Omer in the year 5780. הוד שביסוד, Hod ShebeYesod, Splendor of Foundation.
Hod is the vessel which holds the refractions of the Divine that preceded it. How we carry forth the Source of Goodness, the Ground of Being. Yesod is the foundation of our exterior self: the personality and perspective we bring to the world.
The strength to endure isolation
Even those of us who are sheltering with other people are experiencing isolation.
Many of us are living into the reality that large communal gatherings will not be happening for quite a long time. How can we move forward without our beloved communities?
Today is a day to reflect the solitary journey. To gird myself with the splendor of Divine knowing. Relishing how deep knowledge can transform the prison of my personality.
Choosing to create a holy vessel
I choose to let go.
Allowing my son to play with my hair throughout the day; accepting the lack of personal space or ability to control my own body.
Deciding to meet rebellion with patience rather than anger.
Relishing the laughter and chatter amongst my boys.
Enjoying home cooking and delicious take out.
Staying in touch with family, reaching out to relations I never knew.
Sinking into the splendor of grief; the depths of our bonds
I will not hide from my feelings and pain.
I grieve the extended family vacation not occurring this summer. The swimming lessons put on hold for another year.
The conversations silenced mid-sentence by death.
Chatter stifled by terminal diagnosis.
We will wade through these troubled waters. Some of us will not make it to the other side. Together, we shall rebuild; more reflective and resilient than we were two months ago.